I made my connection with plenty of time and spotted a young guy with a cast on his foot and some kind of pegleg unit so he could walk without having his foot on the ground. He was on the same flight I was on.
Of course everyone except me asks people with a cast on if they had an accident. I simply said, "Don't tell me. Let me guess. You intentionally hacked your foot up to impress some hot babe."
He laughed and his face lit up. "Everyone else asks me if I had an accident," he replied.
"Hey, listen. You get to board early with that injury and I am a tired old man that is stuck at the end of the line and that means I am going to play holy hell finding a spot for my bag on this full flight. I am now your assistant, OK?"
His luggage had been checked in and he only had a very small pack. I pointed to my carry-on and said, "This is yours and I'm helping you."
"Sounds good," he replied.
Most people would be astonished at the number of people that will aid and abet a fellow citizen in the commission of a minor crime. Most people have a hidden spot in their heart for flouting the rules once in a while so I wasn't surprised when he went along with my fiendish plot.
So the call to board came and he led the charge, followed by me dragging my carry-on. I drew a look and instead of I'm helping out this handicapped person, I simply said, "I'm giving this cripple a hand."
The airline gatekeeper blushed slightly and I walked past her unchallenged. when we got inside the jetway my unindicted co-conspirator lookad at me and said, "I don't believe you referred to me as a 'cripple'" and laughed.
I looked at him and said, "Too bad you didn't have a head bandage. I would have referred to you as a f***in' retard and lit her up like a Christmas tree." and he started laughing so hard he had to stop for a couple of seconds.
While we were boarding he asked me about the airport we were landing at and I told him I'd return the favor by showing him the way to the luggage pickup area and he thanked me.
When we landed I waited for him to return the favor and along the way to the luggage carousel he commented on my making the airport gatekeeper visably upset.
"It's one of the absolute joys of getting old," I explained. "You don't have to play the stupid games anymore."
He laughed. "It must be nice," he said.
Middle age sucks," I said. "If I'd have known old age was going to be so much fun I would have started being an old man when I turned 40."
We both laughed and when I pointed to the luggage area he thanked me and we parted ways.
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