Wednesday, September 21, 2016

She is...The most interesting woman in the world!

She has owned six sports cars...and wrecked nine. 

She bowls overhand.

She speaks fluent Russian. 

She is the most interesting woman in the world.

OK, she's not really that interesting but she is interesting. Besides, I don't think she'd really do a good job of selling beer on TV. For that she'd have to look a bit more Spanish looking and be a little older. 

I got a new neighbor and hope she will accept an  invitation to come over with her daughter for dinner with a couple of my friends. We met on the street the other day and she simply seems to have the makings of a pretty good friend. A couple of comments she made let me know she's pretty damned squared away. She seems to have a good attitude and I want to pick her brain a bit.

She seems to be a straight shooter and doesn't mince words like most people do in this day and age. When I heard her say she didn't need someone else's money because she had her own I knew she was independent. If she needs a neighborhood favor it will be because she can't do it herself as opposed to being too lazy to do it herself. 

She also made a comment about soccer moms that sit around drinking wine all afternoon and I knew that meant she has a good work ethic. If she does need a favor it will likely be repaid somehow. 

Good brains are hard to find in this day and age. There is quite a big shortage of intelligent conversation out there. Someone with a brain in their head is someone certainly worth getting to know. 

Most people seem to want to take the easy way out and it seems this woman knows better. She had a problem of sorts years ago and faced them head on by getting an education and a skill. That gets my respect. No gubmint handouts for her.

Another thing is that because she is in health care she's probably a good person to get to know. My neighbor, the RN that has lived next to me since Day One is on my speed dial. As I get older it is a good thing to have a couple of handy health care professionals I can call if there's an emergency.

Besides, every so often I like to cook and it is nice to have a few people to cook for every once in a while. I'll likely have her over to meet a few people.


Oh yeah. You know who you are. You're the jerk that gave me 'the look' when  mentioned having what is probably going to be a pretty cool neighbor. You seem to forget that I am married and want to keep it that way. On top of that, guys that date women half their age generally have ego problems. I don't. What's your problem, jerk?


One of the things I like to ask nurses is if they are the Official Clean Underwear Checker.

I did that once when I drove cab in a small Alaskan town. The nurse picked up on it instantly and laughed like hell.

The following day I took her to work again and her nametag had her name on it and underneath it said 'RN and clean underwear checker'. Ya gotta love small Alaskan towns.

Another time I busted a foot and limped into the hospital. At the check-in desk was a dour incompassionate humorless frump with about an inch of makeup on. I took one look at her and decided to crack her makeup.

After the preliminary paperwork I asked her if he clean underwear checker was going to inspect my drawers for cleanliness. Instantly I saw her makup crack in a bunch of places.

"The what?" she asked.

I put on my best small town rube act. "My momma always told me to wear clean underwear in case I got in an accident and had to go to the hospital. She said if the doctor saw it was clean he'd know you came from a good family and try harder to save you. I just was wondering when the clean underwear checker was going to inspect my shorts."

The cracks in her makeup turned into huge fissures and a small Filipina nurse that overheard it started to giggle and ducked in back somewhere.

A few seconds later the biggest Swedish nurse I have ever seen came out. She had shoulders like a linebacker. She was well over six feet tall in her stocking feet.

She walked up behind me an gave me the biggest wedgee I have ever had and lifted me a full foot off the floor by my shorts.

When she dropped me she said "They're clean. I'll tell the doctor you come from a good family" and walked off with a pretty self-satisfied grin on her face.

I later told the doctor he ought to buy that moose a set of antlers and he laughed like hell.

None of this made the pain in my foot go away but the laughter made it a little more bearable.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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