One of my duties on the boat was grub shopping.
I would go into Walmart with a good sized wad of cash and get groceries for two people for three weeks. This meant everything required for two men for three weeks and included cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels and everything else required.
I had to get it right the first time because there are no grocery stores open at sea. Not even a convenience store.
Anyway, it would generally fill up three or four shopping carts.
I was checking out and had just finishing the second to last card when some clown asked if I could cash out and let him pay for a couple of items. Of course I replied with a resounding no. When he had come up behind me I had warned him I was going to be a while and maybe he'd be better off in another line. He didn't take my advice. I had no sympathy for him. He had been warned.
The bag boy was busy stuffing my chow in fruit boxes instead of bags. Boat orders are generally boxed up because carrying bags is a major inconvenience.
Anyway I had just finished ringing the second to last cart up when the guy put his three items on the belt and said, "C'mon. Cash out. It'll only take you a second. I'm in a hurry." He placed his three items on the conveyor.
I picked the three items up, reached over to the scanner, scanned the three items in front of the surprised cashier, slid them down to the bag boy and told him to pit them in the Colombia apple box which he did dutifully.
I turned to the pushy bastard and said to him, "Those items are mine now. I paid for them and if you go through my property I'll have you arrested."
The cashier looked up at me wide-eyed but I could sense he was amused. The clown in question said he was going to get the manager.
The last cart had paper towels, toilet paper and a couple of other bulky items in it. It went through fast and I quickly cashed out. The bag boy had been efficient and had the whole order on a big cart and we were wheeling it out when the manager appeared with the moron.
He asked my side of the story and as I told it I detected a touch of a smirk. I told him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I saw he was rather amused.
"The items are his," said the manager to the moron. "He paid for them. The only thing you can do is go back and get them off the shelf and wait in line like everyone else."
"Why, I ought to..." said the moron.
"You ought to do nothing," snapped the manager. "If you follow him outside I will call the police. I will also tell them you instigated it. Besides you'll probably get hurt. Older guys don't fight very fair."
"What am I going to do?" asked the moron.
"I guess you're going to have to get your items off the shelf again and wait in line like everyone else," he replied. I noticed the bag boy smirled when he said that.
Two minutes alter I was loading the boxes into the back of my pickup. A few minutes later I drove off uneventfully.
Later on the boat as we were putting the stuff away into the variousl lockers my shipmate held up a can and asked, "What's this $hit? It wasn't on the list."
"Don't ask," I laughed. "Just eat it."
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