I am no different than anyone else that had a mother. Practically everyone has mothers and the mothers of the worls always tell their kid to wear clean underwear in case they have an accident and have to go to the hospital. That way when the doctor sees you have clean drawers on he will know you come from a good family and try harder to save you.
Actually that's what mothers say. In reality if you have a real serious accident you're likely to $hit yourself anyway.
When I broke my leg in 5th grade the nurse cut my skids off and tossed them. Being a kid I watched and discovered my mother lied to me but for decades I played along with it. No use pissing off your mother.
I was about 50 when I broke something in my foot and had to go to the hospital. A shipmate helped me to the triage nurse and remembering my mother's good words (and seeing a target of opportunity) I looked at the heavily made up stuffy looking woman behind the desk and hopped back several feet and tols my shipmate I could make her makeup crack. He said "No Way!"
"Ten bucks," I replied and he said he'd take it all.
He helped me hobble back to the desk. I looked at the Big Nurse and said, "I've had an accident and I'm at the hospital. Where's the clean underwear checker?"
"The what?" she asked.
"The clean underwear checker. If you have raised children you would know about the clean underwear checker unless you raised pigs," I answered. Her maked cracked and my shipmate let me loose, opened his wallet and quietly handed me a ten spot.
Behing the Big Nurse I saw a skinny redhead watching raptly. She seemed quite amused. Her freckles told me she was Irish. The look on her face told me she knew EXACTLY where I was coming from. Had she been Italian, Jewish or even Estemenian I knew it would have made no difference.
Years ago I was a cab driver in Ketchikan, Alaska and several cruise ships a week came into town. The cruise industry was big then and my fares came from all over the planet.
For some reason the clean underwear business came up among my fellow hacks over an after work beer and I decided to research it. I asked every foreign woman if they told thier kids to wear clean underwear in case they got into an accident and had to go to the hospital. Virtually every woman blushed slightly and the answer was practically universal. They all did.
I also used to take a nurse to work and asked her about it and she like to have died laughing.
She wore a badge with her nurse uniform that had her name on it and
under it her title, registered nurse.
When I picked her up a couple days later she showed me her new badge. It had her name. Under that it said registered nurse and under that it said 'clean underwear checker'. Small town hospitals back the had a sense of humor.
Back to the hospital and my broken foot. The Big Nurse's makeup had just cracked, and amunsed redhead vanished and less than a minute later as I was filling out some paperwork someone came up behind me, reached down the back of my pants. Before I could turn around my feet were off the ground in the biggest wedgee I have ever recieved.
I did land on my good foot and turned around to see the biggest, tallest bustiest Swedish nurse I had ever seen in my life!
It was love at first sight. I wanted to marry her, go ashore and become a farmer because her was a woman I could love, milk and have pull the plow! I wold have bought that moose a set of antlers!
The Swedish girl looked at the shaken triage nurse with the cracked makeup and old her I was good to go because I was wearing clean underwear. The Big Nurse's makeup started falling off in sheets!
Meanwhile in the triage room some young kid turned beet red and looked scared. My guess is he might have had a skid mark on his shorts and figured the doctor was just going to let him die.
I was sent back to wait my turn and it came rather fast. I was treated by a grinning team like a visiting celebrity, X-rayed and sent to a clinic but the clinic's another story.
My mother made sure and told me that I needed to wear real underwear and not a thong. A thong would suggest that I was a slut. Boy have times changed! sr
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