This goes back about 20 years ago when I was out having a drink with a Marine Gunnery Sergeant. I was (and still am) married. He was single and was yakking with some broad.
When he got up to pee she asked me what I did for a living and I told her I worked for the 'Department of Permanent Records'.
Of course she asked what that was. I asked her if back when she was a kid that anyone had ever told her something or another will go on her permanent record. "There's no such thing," she answered.
"It's very, very real," I said. "I've worked for the department for almost 20 years." God, I can keep a straight face!
"Really? Do I have one?" she asked.
"Almost everyone has one," I replied. "Want to know what's on yours?"
"I sure do." she said.
Now this was before everyone and their cousin had a cell phone. The three of us wandered over to the pay phone. By now the Gunny had returned.
I dialed my kid sister and when she answered it, I said, Oh. Betty. I'm glad it's you." My sister's name is not Betty and when she recognized my voice I she knew something was up and decided to play along.
"Betty, I need you to look up a record for me. Female. I'll get her name and social security number." I turned to the woman and she (like an idiot) gave it to me. I repeated it into the phone and waited a respectable length of time.
Then I said into the phone, "What? She doesn't have one? You're going to start one on her?"
The woman went into a complete panic! That's when the Gunny stepped in and told her he could handle it and make it go away because he said that as a Marine recruiter he had access to permanent records because the Marines use them to make sure they don't let a criminal enlist. She was all over him when he said that.
I slipped out at this point but the next time I ran into the Gunny he laughed like hell and told me that he had gotten very lucky that night.
Drum roll please. sr
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