Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Yesterday while I was running the gas out of my lawn mower

another do-gooder saw it and looked around. She saw me in the garage and approached me to tell me my lawn mower was running unattended.

"Yeah, I know. I'm running the gas out of it." I said.

"But you taped the handle. That's a safety device. Some kid could get hurt!" She said in a worried tone.

"DOn't worry about it," I answered. "That's what a BB gun is for. ANy kid gets inside of 25 yards of it gets a shot in the butt. They leave."

The look of shock was pretty funny to see and just then a kid about ten or so wandered past, took a passing glance at the running mower and kept going with no change whatsoever of course or speed.

I pointed the kid out. "He took one in the tail last spring and you'll notice he didn't pay the mower more than a passing glance."

"You shot that kid last spring?!" she asked, clearly upset.

"I think Neighbor Bob got him," I said, casually.

"You could get sued if a kid got hurt," she said.

"Nah. Ain't no biggie," I said, casually. "Just hack the little whelp up with the chain saw and run him through the chipper shredder. Use him for mulch."

"WHat? What do you mean run a kid through the chipper?" she asked.

"Sure. How do you think I got this beautiful garden to grow so well this year? Remember those kids that were selling magazines? Great fertilizer."

Her sarcasm meter kicked back on and she gave me somewhat of an embarrassed look but said nothing. Just then the mower ran dry and quit. It was now ready to be garaged for the season.

"Why do you do that?" she asked.

"So it will start easy in the spring. The gas won't shellac up and plug the jets through the winter." I replied.

"My mower never starts in the spring," she confessed.

"There it is. Before you garage it for the season run it out of gas." I said to her.

"I suppose I could," she said, "I guess I'd have to put a couple of bricks on the seat to keep it from shutting itself off."

"Before you do that, come and see me," I replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I'll loan you my BB gun to keep kids away from it. We don't want our neighborhood children to get hurt, now, do we?"

my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/

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