Monday, April 16, 2012

The night after I got out of the army

 I went downtown to get royally toasted and I do not remember exactly what it was that I did to merit the attention of a pair of MPs, but they thought I was still a GI and picked me up. I don't know why, but when I told them I had been discharged, they said, "That's what they all say!"

Now most guys would have fought tooth and nail but I simply decided to see what would happen so I didn't argue a whole lot and just got into the jeep with them and thay carted me off to the Ft. Carson slam. I figured that it was a whole lot easier to have these two clowns make fools of themselves than it was to get into a fight that I would likely lose. These two were a lot bigger than me.

When we got there the NCOIC asked me for my ID and what unit I was in and I told him the unit I had been discharged from the previous day and told him to call the CQ and ask him about my status in the army. The NCOIC glared at me a minute and looked the number up and called the CQ, all the while glaring at me.

Suddenly he looked pale and angrily looked up at me and demanded to know why I didn't tell the MPs I had been discharged a day earlier. I told him in my best hillbilly tone, "I done tol them boys I wasn't no sojer no mo' but they din't believe me. Mah daddy done tol me never to fight wif da man an so I figgered we could jist come here and figger this here little old mess out."

He gave me a real dirty look and then he blew a fuse with the two MPs and ordered them to take me back downtown. I was treated to watching the pair of them get a particularly spectacular ass-chewing and they were ordered to make damned good and sure they both bought me several drinks for my trouble.

When we got back downtown they took me into New Joe's and bought me a couple of drinks and I invited them to join me. They refused and took off.

About ten minutes later I spotted Sp/4 Fister who had gotten out of the Army a couple of days earlier than I had. He had been in my battalion but in a different battery. He still looked like a GI and when I told him about what had happened to me he howled gleefully.

About a half-hour later the same pair of MPs were ambling through and I spotted them as I was leaving the men's room. I waved them over and quietly told them that Fister was an AWOL and had ruined the battalion record and cost us a 3 day pass.

They immediately picked Fister up and carted HIM off. As they were leaving, Fister saw me with a look of self-rightous indignation on my face and shouted, "You bastard! You fingered me!"

Of course, that made him look even more guilty.

I managed to keep a serious self rightous look on my face as Fister was carted off.

The next thing I remember about the night was waking up the following noontime in a motel as sick as a dog and looking over and seeing what (maybe it was a who, but I'm fairly certain it was a she) was next to me. I started chewing my arm off until I realized it wasn't under her and I could get away cleanly without the risk of waking her up. There are toothmarks on my arm to this day. I snagged my clothes off the floor and left the room bollicky bare-assed and dressed in the parking lot and then took off like a gazelle, stopping only to puke twice.

I haven't seen Fister since but I would sure like to run into him and find out what happened to those two poor MPs when they found out they had carted off ANOTHER civvie a couple hours after they nabbed me.

my other blog is:

1 comment:

  1. DirectionalDriller16 April, 2012 12:28

    Ahhahahahahaha. You're my hero Pic.