Thursday, March 20, 2014

I never got to post this. It happened a couple of weeks ago.

Yesterday was another day that started off right.
I was feeling pretty good and decided to gas up at the local convenience store. I gassed up and went in for something. I told the clerk she looked pretty good today, she grinned.

Then I noticed a cop standing in a corner sipping a coffee. I have no problem with this at all. Cops deserve a break, too. I nodded at the cop and he grinned back.

Some time ago I had met him and we had chatted. He had mentioned there have been a few problems and said it would be wise to check locks. Typical cop advice but I do listen and take heed.

I suggested he call Charlie Chan to come and solve a few mysteries around town and he asked me who Charlie Chan was. I told him he was a famous Old School detective. 

I also told him tongue in cheek that back in the day J.Edgar Hoover had dispatched 275 G-men to solve a missing jewel mystery and they worked 6 months without a single lead and Charlie had come in and solved the entire case in 90 minutes.

When he looked at me incredulously I told him Charlie HAD to solve the case in 90 minutes because that's how long the movie was.

He looked at me with the look and shook his head. I then suggested that if he liked old movies he ought to see if there was a Charlie Chan movie on YouTube.

A couple of weeks later he saw me and pulled up and told me he had watched a Chan movie and found it somewhat amusing. "Now I'll at least know what you old goats are talking about," he said. We both laughed. 
Then I recommended to him 'The Thief of Baghdad' "The Fairbanks one made in 1924," I said. He actually wrote it down. Then we parted ways.

Anyway he was standing there in the convenience store and I was humming a Stevie Wonder tune when some dufus asked me why I was so cheerful.

"I went to a bachelor party last night and I guess I'm still half coked up and drunk. I'll be OK. There hasn't been a hangover made that I can't shake off before noon." I said. "After all, someone had to teach those twenty somethings how to get the strippers wound up."

He looked aghast. "How old are you?"

" Seventy three," I answered. "Damned stupid kids these days didn't even bother to pick a designated driver so I had to see they got home all right."

"How did you do that?" asked Mr. Nosy.

"I drove them," I said. "Damned kids don't know how to drive when they get tanked up. They start hot rodding and get caught. I had to show 'em a couple of tricks." The cop moved into the darker part of the corner trying to remain unseen but I could tell he was amused.

"You DROVE them?" he asked incredulously. "You could have gotten put in jail!"

"Nah," I replied. All you have to do is keep your speed down and follow the rules and you'll be OK. Besides, the cops in this town couldn't even catch the clap in a Singapore whorehouse." I saw the cop have a hell of a time not snarfing coffee when I said that. He was actually amused.

I could see the clerk was having a hard time not busting up.
Mr.Nosy's breakfast sandwich arrived and he headed straight to the register paid and left. When he hit the door the clerk broke out laughing.

She looked up at the amused cop. "Did you hear all of that" she asked the cop.

"I was trying not to," he laughed.

Then he looked at me. "What do you mean we couldn't catch the clap in a Chinese whorehouse?" he asked, feigning the look of an insulted man.

"Cops in this town have enough sense to stay out of Chinese whorehouses," I replied, innocently. "The few that don't know enough to wear a condom."

"Talked your way out of that one fast," he chuckled. The clerk laughed outright.

He looked at me. "'The Thief of Baghdad' was pretty good, considering it was a silent movie," he said. "The special effects were well ahead of its time."

"Yeah," I replied. "I'm 62 and the movie was made before my father was born. Pretty amazing stuff."
The cop looked at the clerk. She's been there for years. They chuckled.

Anyone that says cops don't have a sense of humor is wrong. While all don't, some do.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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