Friday, November 27, 2015

I am getting some pretty

 interesting reports on some real jerks that should have been forced to stay home locked in a closet yesterday.

One of them listened to President Obama. He started a political dissertation on gun control at the dinner table of a couple of Second Amendment supporters. He had been warned that politics were off limits but couldn't keep his mouth shut.

These people decided that the most intelligent thing to do was simply throw old Uncle Ned out on his ass. He reports that things were actually pretty good after he was gone. What I consider funny is that the wife handed Dear Old Uncle Ned a gift certificate for MacDonald's on the way out.

Someone else reported that his son showed up coked up and proceeded to drink heavily. He got the boot which is a pretty hard thing to do when it is your own child. It's sad but I guess it had to be done.

Another report I got was someone's mother showed up and started to criticize her son and expressing her disapproval of his wife. He didn't throw her out. He simply made it clear that she wasn't ever going to see her grandchildren unless she shut up. They also made her eat at the kiddie table. Smart move.

It wasn't all bad news, though. Someone's serviceman son got leave and managed to spend the holiday with the family. I guess he astonished his mother by doing the dishes.

Meanwhile somewhere in middle America a family is damned grateful to be reunited with a wayward daughter they had not seen in quite a while. She took off a couple days after high school graduation three or four years back and is working days and attending school nights to be some kind of a beautician. I guess her first year or two out of the house was pretty rough, though. They are both relieved to see her healthy and doing well.  

I heard one guy threw a brick through his TV when he watched some kind of special about the harm done to the human body during the typical Thanksgiving dinner. I suppose he needed a new TV to begin with and likely scored one at a Black Friday sale. 

I imagine that if I had seen that CBS blurb I would have thrown a brick at the TV. There's always some imbecile with a medical degree that will come along and attempt to ruin everything. 

It's like the poor guy I know that has about three or four drinks a year. He never gets to enjoy any of them because his wife gets all upset and ruins it for him. He's part of the reason I keep a jug in my garage. About once or twice a year he drops by for one.

I also keep a pack of Camel straight cigarettes in the freezer for another guy I know that smokes about one every six months. He went from 2 packs a day to about two cigarettes annually. His family tries to ruin that for him so he visits me.

To the doctor that tried to save us red blooded turkey eatin' Americans from ourselves, go choke on your tofu and granola. I'll salute you with a nice cognac spiked eggnog next chance I get. Maybe even a cigar.

Come Christmas when the good doctor  starts in on ruining that holiday feast for us I'll let her use my mistletoe...The piece I keep clipped to my shirt tail.

To those that had to persevere I share your frustration. Thanksgiving is enjoyable. It is Christmas that is rough on me. I generally have to persevere over Christmas.

To those that simply threw someone out, here's to your courage and hopefully you salvaged your holiday. In a couple of months it will be funny. You'll laugh at the time you threw Uncle Ned out on his ass.

To those that had the joy of being reunited with a loved one, I share your joy.

Oh, yeah. In Pittsburgh someone told me the Heinz history museum is open 361 days a year. They are closed New Year' Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hope the employees had a good holiday off.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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