Thursday, December 31, 2015

A couple of days ago I wrote about the safe stenciled "Permanent Records'

Several years ago I used to have a drink now and then wit a certain Marine Gunny. He was a real chick magnet but most of them were real airheads.

Once when he got up to pee one of the women asked me what I did for a living. I told her my job was to drive from one end of the PA turnpike to the other to make sure that there was one shoe in the breakdown lane in either direction.

"You know how you start looking for the other shoe?" I asked.

"Yes. I kind of do that," she replied.

"Right. so do 87% of the rest of the people. It keeps people alert and prevents accidents," I explained.

She believed it.

My all time favorite was the time another woman asked me what I did and I told her I worked for the Department of Permanent Records.

She asked what that was and I returned the question by asking her if she remembers teachers in school telling you that something would go on your permanent record. She had heard this from teachers as a kid.

"About ten years ago the Feds started a Department of Permanent Records and I work for them," I explained. "The idea came from the Teacher's Union."

"I wonder what's on mine?"she asked.

"I could tell you in an instant," I said. "Jimmy's got the duty desk tonight." I reached for my cell phone.

"Would you?" she asked.

"Sure." So I called Jimmy. Jimmy is a friend of mine that is pretty quick on the uptake. He knows  I am mischievous and plays along without a hitch.

"Jimmy. Piccolo here. Hey, you're on the duty desk. I want you to look someone up."

Jimmy asked if this was some kind of BS and I simply said "Yes."

Anyway, I asked the woman her name and social security number and forwarded it to Jimmy and waited a brief period. Jimmy sat there doing nothing, actually.

Then I spoke into the phone.

"What? You don't have one on her? I guess you better start one."

Of course, she went into a panic and started saying "No! No! Don't start a record on me!"

"Can't help you," I replied.

She looked really crestfallen. I looked at her.

"Almost 90% of our files are started by people that want to see their permanent records," I said.

Of course, she wandered off.

When the Gunny came back from the men's room he asked where she had gone and I told him. He laughed.

"Thanks," he said. "She was an airhead anyway."

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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