Saturday, January 16, 2016

Is Vladmir Putin a reader?

I sorta doubt it but I guess it is a possibility.

For years I have been cranking out post after post after post without any regard for who reads them. Or for that matter, if anybody reads them. I'm somewhat surprised to see I have 86 followers.

Recently I figured out that I can check various things about my (scant) readership.

One of the things I can check up on is what country the reader is in. Lately there has been what I figure is one Russian reading several posts on a regular basis.

Maybe it's an FBI agent assigned to the Russian Embassy and using it as a cover to check up on me. I doubt it, though. I'm small potatoes.

Then again it could be an American doing business of some sort in Russia. He's homesick. Why he would try reading this to cure homesickness is beyond me, though.

But maybe it's Vladmir Putin. 

President Putin, is that you?

If it is I'm flattered that I have the head of a state as an occasional reader. From what I have seen and read about you I would like to sit down with you and chat about hunting, fishing and generally goofing off.

You know, guy stuff. Maybe we can watch The Blues Brothers together. That's pretty much a guy thing.

If it is you please let me know what your beverage of choice is and if I can afford it I'll pick up a jug to keep in case you come to the States sometime. If your taste in adult beverages is too expensive I guess you'll just have to bring your own or settle for what I have.

You can come to my house if you like. I have a great backyard and occasionally grille steaks out back. We could have a pretty good time watching the United States Department of State go stark staring bonkers when you tell them you want to go to Piccolo's house.

It strikes me as being hilarious. Of course the State Department would likely send their weenies out to coach me and tell me what to say. Then again if I get lucky they'll send a team of maids and I'll get a free spring cleaning even though it's already a reasonably neat home.

President Putin, here's the plan. The State Department weenies are likely going to coach me and tell me how to act. Hah! Fat chance that!

When they introduce me to you as President Putin, I'll shake your hand and say, "Hey, Vlad! How the hell ya doing?'" We can both sneak a peek at the State Department weenie turning purple. It ought to be good for a laugh.

Anyway, President Putin you have a standing invite to the Piccolo residence if that is you reading.

It the Russian reader is a basic Russian citizen then you are more than welcome to read the grumblings of a wayward sailor. Enjoy yourself. If you ever do get to the States let me know and I'll have YOU over for dinner if I'm not at work.

If you are not a Russian but an American  embassy employee then bugger off. You know how people like me live. The exception, of course, is if you are a US serviceman on duty there. Give me a shout and I'll have you over. If you are a Marine I already know what kind of beer you like. You like an open one.

Anyway, to my Russian readership, have a good day. When I get next to a bottle I'll have a swig and toast to your health!

Maybe if you are a Russian and are not President Putin you can forward a link to this blog to him. I'd be proud to have him as a reader.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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