Sometimes I wonder about those people that make lists of stuff every guy should own

I just saw one and the first thing it had was a black tailored suit.

What would a guy that doesn't run around saving the world from Extra-Terrestials want a black suit for? I suppose with a black suit, a cheap pair of sunglasses, a hat and a narrow tie I could drive around Chicago in an old police car putting the band back together, maybe. Still, I don't need one.

Another item was a good chef's knife, the kind you see on TV wielded by freaked out women in grade-B horror movies. I have one, but generally I cook with either a camp knife I have or a KaBar I picked up in my travels and keep sharp. I don't do a lot of mincing when I cook.

Last time I cooked for guests I used the KaBar and the ribs just came out fine.

Another item was a two hinged corkscrew that I do not own. Instead I either use a butterfly corkscrew unless it is champagne I am opening in which case I use my hands and I DO let the cork fly. Of course, I don't drink champagne.

Another item was a bar set. I have a bar set. It consists of glasses, a bottle opener and ice cube trays. If you want a fancy drink made at the Piccolo house you get handed directions to the nearest cocktail lounge. The exception is I will cheerfully make you a hot buttered rum.

Also listed was a bottle of good booze in case the president shows up. If the president shows up he ain't getting my good booze. He ain't gettin' any of my booze. The closest thing he's getting from me for liquid refreshement is a canteen cup half full of water. That's if he's DAMNED lucky.

The good booze at the Piccolo house is there for when I show up, and there generally is a bottle or three.

There was also a requirement that one has a set of bedding and I do. They are neatly folded in the closet where they have been for years and will likely stay for years until I am dead and gone because I don't like crisp sheets. I make my bed using either flannel sheets or soft blankets for sheets. They're soft and I like it better than crisp sheets.

Another thing is an iron and ironing board. I own both of these but generally do not use the ironing board as a blanket on the coffee table work just fine.

A tool set. Yeah, right. The picture shown is one of those housewife kinds they sell for $20 and the tooks suck. I have a took BOX that is 6 feet long and 5 feet high and full.

Good underwear. Of COURSE I have good underwear. What if I got into an accident and had to go to the hospital? Then the doctor would know I come from a good family and try harder to save me. My momma didn't raise no fool.

Matching dishes. Three sets. One made out of the stuff they make dishes out of, another set of blue enamaled steel for daily informal use alone, and a nice set of matched stainless steel surplus mess trays that are used for those slap up meals that generally accompany some sort of moving around  activity.

The stainless trays are great for an activity where my guests are on the go. Just pick up your whole place setting and move to where the action is.

An umbrella. Yeah right. Try a good GI poncho. A lot better than a bumber shoot because you can wear it. It covers you any your stuff a lot better and yes, I have worn a poncho over a jacket and tie. 

Jumper cables. Yeah, but not cheap ones. GOOD jumper cables.

A French press. Yeah, sure, Kid. Have a nice cup of Joe right out of Piccolo's percolator. If you don't like it, Starbucks is up the street.

Sunglasses. Yup. Ray Ban aviators. THe kid got that one right.

A weekend bag. I got one, it's been all over the country. Eat your liver, Pamela Anderson. It's made of leather.

Cologne. Those are not three dollar bills in my wallet. I use deodorant and sometimes Old Spice. Period.

Brown dress shoes. I have black dress shoes and a pair of cordovan penny loafers. Good enough.

A flashlight. I have several spread out all over the house. The kid got another one right.

Sports equipment. I'm 62 years old. I have a baseball bat to chase kids off with. The sports I like are pheasant and deer hunting and hilltopping. I have the clothing, firearms and radios for that. Which reminds me, I'm opening up a new summit when I get off. Activating it, actually because I'll be the first to set up shop on the mountain.

Good socks. The kid shows dress socks and I have a couple of pairs tucked away. Most of my socks are thick cushioned because I actually walk places.

A cast iron skillet. He got that one right. Most of my meals involve mine one way or another. Get two. One for baking with.

Still, most of the crap he listed Isuppose is good for some kind of metrosexual kind of city guy, but I am Old School and too practical.




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