Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand.

Like the time I decided to fight a $2 parking ticket in Kodiak.

To this day I don't know why I got one as when I saw it in my wiper blade I reached into my tool box, got out a tape and measured to make sure I was within a foot of the curb. I was about 11 inches so I was legal. I just think the meter maid had a bad eye or something.

I left the pickup there and got a camera and took a couple of pictures with the tape measure because I was annoyed and then and there decided to fight it.

I sent it in requesting a trial date and was given one and reported into court armed to the teeth with pictures and escorted by a trio of somber men in suits. The prosecutor took note of me and wondered what it was all about. 

When my name was called I went to the table in front of the bar and my trio moved into the front row behind the bar. One of them handed me a briefcase and I opened it and withdrew a thick stack of pictures.

He looked at the docket, turned and asked me if this was over a parking ticket.

I said it was and he declined prosecution right then and there.

The Magistrate, a woman with a German accent looked at me curiously and asked me if I had a minute, which I did and asked me to stem into her chambers with my evidence.

She looked at my pictures and asked, "What's this?"

"Red Swayze's dog," I replied.

"And this?"

"Tom Murphy's boat."

She looked confused. "Do any of these pictures have anything to do with a parking ticket?" she asked.

I showed her two pictures of the tape measure, curb and tire. She nodded. "The men in suits?" she asked.

"A couple of my friends," I answered. "Moral support."

She looked at me, trying unsuccessfully to surpress a smirk.

"This two pictures would have won you the case," she said. "Why did you bring all of these extra thing to this courtroom with you that had nothing to bear on the case?"

"Because the prosecutor didn't know what it was," I replied. "I figured he might decline if it looked like I'd steamroller him. Sometimes it is best not to fight if you can avoid it and still win."

She started laughing outright and shook her head.

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