DHL was the most interesting to follow when I smuggled a radio out of the UK years ago. It was slower than molasses in the beginning. The package sat in the airport for a few days before it started moving again and between the time the airplane went gear up until I had the package in my hand was well inder 16 hours and that included clearing customs.
It was astonishing.
One of the best essays I ever wrote a while ago was one I wrote as a package sent USPS traveled from CA to here in Pittsburgh. I was tracking it and making up what went on between stops. I was going to post it here but the laptop I was using crashed and I lost it.
Anyway, I remember part of it.
Big Ben hops into his rig and heads for the interstate. He's got the hammer down and is cookin' and bookin'. A quick call from the CB and he drops a fast 25 mph. There's a cop up ahead.
Passing the cop, it's hammer down time again and suddenly the Fuzzbuster goes off and Big Ben is nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. Can he bleed off 20 mph in time before the laser radar tags him? He pumps the brake and slides past the cop just a mile under what the cop considers too fast and three miles later he's highballing again.
He whips past a Fedex rig and springs into the lead! The fans are on their feet and the crowd goes wild!
He makes it into Reno twenty minutes ahead of schedule and the package comes off the truck. Big Ben hauls ass out and heads north with the rest of the packages.
Problem at Reno. The scheduled truck is down and something must be done. Sub it out! The package heads over across the street and is handed off to none other than a Pony Express rider. The thirteen year old orphan snatches it, puts it into the saddlbag and springs into the saddle and departs at a full gallop to the next substation ten miles away. He's galloping as fast as his spirited steed can take him.
As he pulls into the substation he's met by none other than Gabby Hayes. "Dad blum it, Sonny! You're fifteen minutes early. You got time for a bowl of beans!"
But our daring, resourceful and intrepid youthful rider is having none of it. He pulls the saddle bag from his tired mount and puts it on the eagerly awaiting fresh steed, mounts up and gallops off. It's ten miles to the next station where he will return the package to the UPS terminal.
Three miles out, he looks down off of the ridge and sees a rest area on the interstate with a number of cars drawn up into a circle. Indians!
He puts the spurs to his fiery steed and heads for his next stop.
Two miles later he spies the Indians on the ridge line. There are so many that some are falling off the cliff face because the Indians in the back are surging forward to see what's going on. He hears them saying in their native tongue, "Hey! Quit that pushing back there!" as a dozen more Indians fall off the face of the cliff.
That's a lot of Indians.
He's off with the Indians in hot pursuit! They're gaining on him because their mounts are fresher. They're getting closer and closer as he heads to the next station. An arrow comes whizzing by and he comes close to a movie set out in the desert.
Suddenly he hears a faint bugle. It gets louder and then out of nowhere the United States Cavalry comes boiling over the hill to the rescue.
Of course it's not the real cavalry. It's a bunch of actors led by some colonel played by Tom Hanks and they have no clue that our daring rider is in hot water.
But the bugle is all the Indians have to hear. They think they're in hot water now so they turn and run. Maybe they return to the encircled group of cars by the interstate. Our intrepid rider pushes on and gets to the UPS station well ahead of schedule.
The package is taken to a truck and Bud Lester gets behind the wheel. Bud is a strict union man and generally follows the speed limit and obeys all the rules and regulations. As a result he's always behind schedule. He takes the package all the way to Missouri and arrives three hours late.
That's about all I can remember.
Anyway it was a lot of fun following a package across the country and making up all of the details.
No comments:
Post a Comment