Friday, November 25, 2011

Naugas should of on the endangered species list

They ought to put Naugas on the international endangered species list

because if they did that,China would stop making naugahide boat shoes which would make my life a whole lot easier.

Some time ago I needed boat shoes and could not seem to find a pair that was made out of real leather. You know the kind. It is the kind Pamela Anderson and her little group of moonbats who go by the name of PETA raise holy hell about.

They advocate making shoes out of naugahide so that cows do not get killed to keep people fed and shod. Instead they want us to all eat tofu and wear naugahide shoes.

While I am not likely to refuse a decent steak dinner anywhere in the near future, I suppose that if they made a decent materiel for shoes I would probably wear shoes made out of it. Still, naugahide is not the answer. The stuff makes your feet stink so bad that the odor will knock a buzzard clean off of a gut wagon at 75 yards.

They're not ALL that awful bad IF you wear socks, which I really hate to do, but I will if I have to. What really IS bad is that no matter what you do, as soon as they get wet they stink. There is nothing you can do about it except to dry them out somewhere as far away from human habitation as possible.

At sea I dry them out in the generator room by hosing them down with Lysol and throwing them on top of the generator engine for about 6 hours or so.

Now it must be nice to be able to be in Pamela Anderson's shoes because I'd just bet she wears a pair of shoes a couple of times and tosses them out, but I happen to work for a living and I do not happen to have everyone and their cousin handing me things to wear so I can get my pitcher (Yes, PITCHER. I am literate. I can spell picture so shut the hell up. I'm writing this and you are not. This ain't Burger King. You are getting it MY way.) taken while wearing them.

I generally have to wear things until they wear out.

Betcha if Pamela and the Hollywood elites had to stuff their feet into stinky naugahide shoes daily they would change their tune. This sounds like more of the elites telling those peons like me how to live.

Ever notice how theynever seem to offer to foot the bill?

Still, it isn't fair to my crew to subject them to the foul aroma that comes out of a pair of naugahide shoes and even if I put my foot down as captain I had better keep my cutlass handy or I will wind up in an open boat like Captain Bligh. Truth is, the mutineers would not get a guilty verdict if they brought one of my shoes into court with them, and I am not foolish enough to press charges and make a fool out of myself.

Now there is hope for my crew, though. I have just spotted a hole in the sole of my shoe and they are ready to be junked, much my releif and the relief of my crew. I'll have to search all over hell for something better. Maybe someone out there still makes leather boat shoes for a reasonable price.

All I can say is that they ought to put naugas on the endangered species list and look for something else to make shoes out of. I wouldn't complain one bit if they started making them out of the skins of dead cows.

To those PETA moonbats, I'd like to know why we shouldn't eat cows. After all, they are made of delicious meat and the leftover skins make pretty good shoes.

Indidentally, Pam. You missed a pretty good turkey dinner yesterday. Leftovers today, and that's even better because there is nothing better than a leftover Thanksgiving sandwich with turkey, cold stuffing and cranberry sauce.

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