Friday, October 4, 2013

One of the reasons I am not a cop

 is that recently a principal asked a cop not to drop his kid off in uniform. Apparently the parents were upset because the cop had a gun. They expect a police officer to carry a feather duster?

I guess you can't fix stupid.

Strangely enough, for some unfathomable reason, most police departments allow their officers to get married. On top of that they are even permitted to have children. Who would have ever thought such a thing?

Of course, a policeman's uniform doesn't fit in very well with what many parents wear when they drop their kids off. For one thing, it's not sleepwear. For another thing it's pressed and neat so I suppose a cop dropping his kid off sticks out like a sore thumb.

It is stuff like this that makes me glad I am not a cop because I would be fired inside of a week.

I have no children, but if this happened to a fellow officer I would most likely be on my way to making a pair of Academy awards. I'd find the skinniest, most bullied kid on my beat and talk to the parents and offer to take him to school in my squad car.

Picture this: The kid hops in front and a couple of blocks away jumps in back and puts on a pair of handcuffs. We reach the school and Officer Piccolo jerks the kid roughly out of the car and starts removing the handcuffs.

"Now get into the classroom and learn something. The next time you stick an ice pick in someone's ribs you ain't gonna get to go to school. You're gettin' hard time! Now GIT!"

Followed by a boot in the ass to send him on his way.

When school lets out I'd pick the kid up.

He comes up to the car looking full of fear and trepidation. The kid is shaking like a leaf.

"Hands on the car, feet spread!"

Officer Piccolo kicks his feet out so he's precariously balanced, frisks him and finds a pencil.

"You kept this just to stick it in my ribs, Didn't you, boy!"

"No, no!" screams the kid. "I need it to do my homework!"

"Yeah, right!" shoots back Officer Piccolo. "Get in there!" and he starts to stuff the apparently hapless kid into the back seat making it look like he cracked his hear on the door frame.

"Ow!!" shouts the kid.

"You trying to grandstand me, boy!" snaps officer Piccolo.

"No!" shouts the terrified kid.

This is followed by a nightstick blow that hits a pad hidden and a loud crack is heard.

Piccolo stuffs the kid into the back of the car, climbs in and roars off.

Two blocks later, he tosses the handcuff keys back to the kid.

"Take the cuffs off and climb up in front," says Officer Piccolo. " Nice job, Kid! An Academy Award performance! You ought to be in Hollywood. Where we goin' for ice cream before I drop you off?"

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