Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Sometimes people miss my sarcasm.

I suppose it is easy enough to do. You sort of do have to have a somewhat similar background.

A while ago I was chatting with a cop about some damned thing or another and made the comment, "Sounds pretty petty. It's not worth grabbing a Tommy gun and climbing atop a gas-ball over, is it?"

Of course, the line is actually a bastardization of the end of an old movie names 'White Heat', a classic '30s gangster film. Cagney really didn't have a Thompson, he had a pistol. However, at the time the Tommy gun was almost a requirement for gangster movies of the era.

The cop was fairly young, either in his late 20s or early 30s and grinned.

"You're lucky I've seen that old movie," he said with a big grin. "Most of the guys my age wouldn't know what you're talking about."

He's probably right.

A while ago at sea there was a commercial for some damned ear wax removal tool on the tube. The TV is pretty much on 24/7 for background and from time to time something registers and comments are sometimes made.

"Save your money," I said to a young deckhand. "Just take the bore brush out of your deer rifle cleaning kit and put it on the end of a drill and use that. Save your money."

"Really?" he asked and immediately turned a little red when he realized I was being sarcastic.

"Sure," I added. I use a .45 bore brush at 2600 rpm."

He smirked.

Someone once said to me, "I hear you merchant guys party pretty hard."

I keep wondering why that rumor persists because we are tested for drugs and alcohol regularly.

"Yeah," I said. "Right after we get off before we even leave the parking lot I generally polish off a 750 of Jack, a 12 pack of Heineken, three or four 'ludes, an 8-ball of coke, there or four hits of acid, five or six tooies, a couple hits of mescaline, seven or eight bennies and maybe six or 8 good, deep hits off of an ether rag. Any more than that and I need a designated driver!"

Of course, that's enough to kill a small herd of elephants but you can't fix stupid.

"Really?" he asked, wide-eyed. "I know someone that can get you into rehabilitation." 

"Nah," I replied. "Rehab is for quitters." With that I walked off leaving him agog.

I once posted that "The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy." I attributed the statement to Abraham Lincoln in 1864.

I also said the Lincoln took a very active interest in the NASA space programs and was the father of space exploration.

"Really?" someone asked. " I didn't know that."

Twice I have told someone that asked me about my military service that I served with Colonel Roosevelt in Cuba.

One guy in his 40s took the bait. 'Really?" he asked.

Yet all is not lost. The person that called me on such a ridiculous statement was a 13 year old kid! Maybe there IS hope for the future!

"You're not 135  years old!" snapped the kid indignantly. I laughed. Sharp kid.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

No comments:

Post a Comment