Thursday, March 9, 2017

Are you wearing clean underwear? What if you had an accident!

The other day I was smarting off to one of the younger guys at work. I dryly told him that before he starts trouble with me he ought to put on clean underwear first because he is most likely going to wind up at the hospital and if the doctor sees clean underwear he will know that he comes from a good family and the doctor will try harder to save him.

One of the other guys laughed outright and told me his mother used to tell him the same thing. An awful lot of mothers have told their kids that over the years.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if Melania Trump has said that to Barron.

That clean underwear business has seemed to transcend generations and it would be pretty humorous to hear Barron Trump hearing that said in about twenty years and being able to grin, "My mother told me that when my father was president."

Seeing I mentioned clean underwear, I'll tell you a story about the time I busted a foot and had to go to the hospital.

I stumped in leaning on a friend and we went to the check-in desk. I took one look at the little automaton woman behind the desk. She was wearing a pretty thick coat of face paint and I decided that I could probably get it to crack.

"I busted my foot," I said. "Now before I get to see the doctor please run me past the clean underwear checker so she can tell the doctor I come from a good family and will work harder on me to save me."

That's all it took. The plaster like coating of makeup cracked is several places. The WTF look on her face was a spectacle to behold. It was a moment of great pride for me. The stuffy little automaton didn't even begin to how how to deal with it.

I did see another women who had appeared briefly behind her duck back behind the door laughing. 

About half a minute later this big, tall, busty, broad shouldered  Swedish looking nurse came out, walked past the desk and headed into the patient waiting area. She was 

She looked like a Midwestern farmer's dreamboat! She looked like someone that he could love, milk and plow.

Anyway she doubled back, sneaked up behind me and before I could do anything she reached down the back of my pants, grabbed my shorts and gave me the biggest wedgie in the world.

Nobody was really impressed until someone noticed my feet were about a foot off the ground.

Then the nurse spoke to me as she put me down. "They're clean. I'll tell the doctor," she said, laughing. I was probably beet red but I did have to laugh. Sometimes getting shot with a ball of your own BS can be hilarious.

Then a boy sitting next to an older woman spoke up, "Gee, Grammy, you're right. They do check to see if you have clean underwear on!"

The grandmother, quite amused with what she saw, turned to the boy. "I told you," she said. She gave me such a big grin when I saw her it was all worth it.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

No comments:

Post a Comment