I didn't meet many classmates when I was back on the block.

which is too bad because I would have just loved to have told each one of them a different outrageous story. There's a reunion coming up and I could just hear it now. 

I only got one and I told him I retired from porn.

He told me...I heard...somebody said....He lives where? Porn? French Polynesia? Prison? He's raising his three year old daughter? He won the lottery?

"I'm a stay at home dad raising my three year old. I became a first time father just before I turned 70.....My wife? She just turned 20 about 3 weeks ago...We got married in West Virginia...."

"French Polynesia...Why? Because it's a French possession and it's easier for me to collect my Foreign Legion pension...Yes. I married a Polynesian woman and the first time I put on a pair of shoes is when I came back to visit...."

"I've been retired since I got out of prison...Three years in Atlanta...me and 2 other guys knocked off an armored car in Denver back in '78...I got only 3 years because it was my first offense...Yeah. I retired right after I got out...Because the feds never recovered the money and because I was the first one out of the joint I recovered it and have been retired since...How else can you retire after three years?"

"Yeah. Retired after 25 years in porn...How could I do such a thing? Simple Porn is a multi billion dollar industry. I dove in and grabbed a BIG piece of the pie and bailed out....No I wasn't an actor. I was a writer, director and producer...Writing was best. All I had to do was think up sick depraved $hit all day... Yeah, I belted a couple out of the park and a couple of them have a pretty good cult following...Check Youtube. Sometimes 'Of Nazis, Nuns and German Shepherds' pops up occasionally." (This one I actually used on a guy I ran into that I had First Communion with when I was 8)

"Who, me?"

"Yeah. I was bustin' my ass on some two bit remodel construction job and found a lottery ticket in a cabinet I took out to the dumpster and put it in my pocket and forgot about it until after work and for the hell of it checked it at a convenience store...Yeah...I've been retired ever since."

Keep 'em guessing.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY