Monday, August 16, 2010

I’m getting fed up with

everyone and their cousin trying to make a statement of some sort or another.

So you are Islamic and want to build a mosque on ground zero.

OK, fine. It is private money and private property. Yes, you can do it. I won’t burn it down, nor will I vandalize it.

I won’t. Really. I will not harm it in any way. I am an old man and I’m sorry to say that I am just too plain old and lazy to even get excited about the tastelessness if the members of the Muslim community that think this is a good idea. Besides, gasoline is up to $2.85 a gallon these days and my wife thinks I spend too much money.

But you can bet the farm that if some enraged 9-11 survivor does and takes it upon himself to extract his pound of flesh, I am going to laugh like hell and say, and “I told you so.”

It’s just plain stupid.

What ever happened to quietly going about one’s business without a pile of hoopla and fan fare?

This stuff is getting old, and damned fast. Why not just build your mosque in a quiet, out of the way place where you can worship in peace and quiet instead of on the very spot where so many decent Americans died as a direct result of terrorism that has been associated-fairly or unfairly- to your religion?

It’s just another case of waving the red cape in front of the bull.

You are asking-no, begging- for trouble.

I can’t see why. Isn’t there enough trouble in this world?

Of course, when something happens, they will go to go charging straight to the authorities demanding that the evil perpetrators be brought to justice.

Sometimes I think it’s too bad that the District Attorney can’t refuse service to people based on stupidity.

Picture this:

“Somebody vandalized our mosque. What are you going to do about it?”

And the DA replies, “I’ll put it on my list of things to do after we round up another bunch of scofflaws that haven’t paid their parking tickets.”

“What? What? This is important! Our place of worship has been vandalized!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.” Says the D.A. “I’ll get to it, but you’re going to have to wait your turn. You are going after I find out who beat the snot out of the Klansman that was handing out leaflets in Harlem. He comes after the investigation we’ll have to find out which veterans group thumped the Westboro Baptist Church people that tried to desecrate the funeral of the Navy corpsman that died saving after saving the lives of six Marines. All of these investigations will commence after we catch the guy running around with $132 worth of unpaid parking tickets.”


“But nothing,” says the D.A. “I have to prioritize things based on importance, and this is simply nothing more than a stupid crime that could have simply been avoided by showing a little common sense.”

“We have out rights,”

“One of them,” says the D.A. “Is to remain silent. Had you silently built your mosque somewhere else you would not be up here demanding justice would you?”

“You mean you’re not going to do anything?”

“I never said that,” Answers the D.A. “I simply put it on my list of things to do in the appropriate order. I’ll get a man on it as soon as we nail the parking ticket scofflaw and the bum that keeps urinating behind the dumpster in the alley behind Ming Fu’s restaurant in Chinatown.”

Enter Al Sharpton, accompanied by three flunkies dressed like pimps.

“What are you going to do about the vandalism to my constituent’s mosque?” slobbers Al.

“Tell you what, Al. Make it easy for both of us. I’ll put a man on it if you give up the guys that thumped the Klansman up in Harlem last week,” replies the D.A.

“You know I can’t do that,” says Al. “The man was insulting the dignity of my people!”

“Fine, Al. I’ll get a man on this heinous crime as soon as I nail the parking ticket scofflaw and the guy that keeps urinating behind Ming Fu’s restaurant…come to think of it, I better make the Ming Fu’s restaurant thing a priority. The cook there has a bad temper and a sharp knife and we don’t want to have to arrest him for pulling an Elaina Bobbit. Thanks for reminding me, Al.”

“But this vandalism is an affront to the very dignity of my constituents,” says Al.

“Be right back, Al.”

Two minutes later. The D.A. returns with a uniformed cop.

“Al, you’re double parked, and our records show you have $2356 worth of unpaid parking tickets. I’m going to have to place you under arrest.”

Al gets read his rights and is carted off, moaning and bellyaching that the Man is out to get him. The D.A.’s look makes it pretty clear that Al has made an error in judgment. He has sadly mistaken the D.A. as being a man that really gives a rat’s ass.

The D.A. turns to the Muslim cleric.

“Where did you park?” he asks.

“Uh…uh…I gotta get to Lowes and get some paint remover,” he says and quietly starts to shuffle off.

“Try ‘Strip-ease,’’ suggests the D.A. “It comes recommended highly.”

“Strip-ease?” asks the cleric.

“Yeah, Strip-ease. Try it. The Nazis recommend it highly. They used gallons of it after they moved into their headquarters into a Jewish neighborhood across the street from the Holocaust memorial a couple of years back. Stuff works like a charm. By the way, we have that case to solve sometime, too. Of course, it will also wait until we take care of a few more pressing matters.”

“Thanks for the advice.”

“Oh, says the D.A. “And one other thing.”

“What’s that?” asks the cleric.

“You’re double-parked. Pay the ticket.”

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  1. Too much common sense -it will never fly in NY.